How being unemployed is like having a disease part 2 - the elephant in the room

Have you ever been around your friends and you feel like they are ignoring you or being very careful about what they say around you? If you are currently looking for a job, that is the elephant in the room.

While I am not or doctor nor do I play one on TV, I just want to clarify something or those of you with jobs. Losing your job is not contagious.  That doesn't mean it can't happen to you, it just means that you can't get it from talking with a jobless person. Treat us like we are your friend.

Just like with a disease, some people are afraid to ask how things are going?  Have you found a job yet?  So the elephant appears. While it is nice of them to be concerned about our feelings most of us know that our current condition is temporary.

One example of the elephant in the room is when  friends don't talk about work around you.  They don't want you to feel bad that you can't contribute or they feel guiilty complaining about something at their work knowing it really could be worse. Hey we all realize if it was all fun they wouldn't call it work so having a beef about your boss or a customer is not a big deal.

Most of us looking for a job are not going to bring up our situation to avoid seeming needy or to avoid bringing down the conversation in a social setting.  This is how the elephant in the room gets bigger. If we as job seekers don't work it into our conversation we miss an opportunity. No I don't mean another chance to complain about the economy or that jerk of a hiring manager who couldn't see you were the best person for the job. What I mean is that the person you are talking with might be able to help you and doesn't know you are still looking and may need their help. I am not saying make the whole conversation about you but try to add in the fact that you are looking at new opportunities.

To help make things easier, here are a few things both sides can do.

When talking with someone you know is looking just ask  "So how is the job search going?"  or "I know you were looking, is there anything I can do to help?"   These are non judgmental and supportive ways to get the elephant out of the room.

The job seeker can help by not forcing the conversation to being all about them and their search. Just talk to your friends like they are friends.  You don't want to sound desperate, or obsessed.  This will make the elephant grow even larger the next time you run into that friend. One way to bring up the topic is mentioning a recent success or new opportunity you are working on. This keeps things positive and you can still ask for help if you need it.

While there is a time and a place for venting about the ups and downs of job searching, make sure you do it with the right friends and at the right time because cleaning up after an elephant is a messy job.